THE MESSAGE NOW
Vol. 2, No. 14 – Monday, 3rd April, 2017
(Heb.13:16, 1 Cor.7:1-40, Eph.5:20-33)
IS IT STILL AS IT WAS IN YOUR COURTSHIP DAYS?
(Part 2 – MEN BE EVER INVENTIVE)
If the memorable sweet memories and sweetly-enslaving emotions of love ever gets lost in the ever-expansive ocean-like memory of women after courtship days, not for men. Why? Generally speaking, women are more easily attracted by what they hear than what they see.
On the contrary, men are more easily attracted by what they see than what they hear. The emotional joyful-trouble however is, when men have physical contacts with what they have seen and which has previously sustained their attention by sight, the relationship men end-up having with such objects at least in their hearts is always exceptionally so strong and long lasting.
Men would certainly remember what happened in the days after the lady’s beauty and wonderful character first sustained their attention. Men would equally remember for so long the effect of the first hug that lady gave them having accepted the man’s marriage proposal. Don’t you men?! Or have you so soon forgotten that first emotional attraction and pull?
This is the underlying reason why men never give up should there arise any conflict between them and their intended spouse during courtship. Love is a chemistry of emotions and men are its main slaves. The truth remains: when men are truly in-love, they are as good as babies in the hands of their beloved.
With every sense of innocence, they give-in and are soul, spirit and body entangled. If this is the situation of men when they are in-love and relishing that love in courtship moments, then I find some subtle but equally salient questions much worrying.
Some of these very worrying questions include inquisitions such as: why can’t men translate the love of courtship into marriage? Is there any gap between courtship moments and actual marriage which necessaitates uneasy transfer of genuine and innocent affection from courtship to marriage? What is really the problem of men especially about love in marriage?
These inquisitions without doubt call for serious concern and further scrutiny. For one, it is worth knowing why most men cannot keep the passionate love-momentum flowing in courtship days down to moments of marriage.
But before any inquisitionary examination, permit me to draw a sharp conclusion at this juncture. I make no light of the challenges of and in marriage and indeed, the fact that some of these challenges are caused and exacerbated by women.
Nonetheless, I argue and sharply contend too, that irrespective of the challenges in marriage, marriage must be holy and hallowed. Because, it is a sacred and sacrosanct union. Men! Listen. Whatever your wife turns out to be after marriage is your making.
Is it not often argued that ‘as you lay your bed, so you will lie on it? Understand, men that those changes in your wife’s body and beauty have been informed by your actions and inactions. By the way, if body and beauty changes in your wife are the reason marriage is today not as sweet as it was in your courtship days, then Sirs, you married not for love but for a purpose.
There is always a great problem when there is a human reason for loving someone. Understand the likes of your spouse. Understand that above all things even when you are the best in buying for her the best of clothes, shoes and the likes, she appreciates happiness the most.
Frankly answer me my friend! Do you make your wife happy? A number of years ago, a wife once told her husband in course of a brawl: ‘if no be church; you! you fit climb on top me’? Hmmm! what a useless and wayward wife!
But even at this: do you think such husband should withdraw his love and affection even after he has been debased so low as this? The unequivocal answer is NO. In all sincerity, I find no excuse for the worthless comment of that unsaved wife.
But really, if that man has been up and doing and keeping his wife and home ever happy and bubbling in fun, would she have reduced a man she values as husband to rubbles in such manner?
Beloved, I learnt the lesson of my life about marriage as far back as 2005 from the film: Titanic. What rings through the minds of many oftentimes about this film is romance, romance and romance. But for me, it was serious marital philosophy.
At about the closing moments of that film, the question: ‘how have you managed through these many years to successfully keep this secret’ was put to the protagonist of the film: the lady, Rose. Her thoughtful response was refining in every way.
Rose simply replied: ‘a woman’s heart is an ocean of secrets’. Aha! A human heart compared to an ocean? There is something so deep here. An ocean has but very few basic characteristics: (1) An ocean is very deep. Therefore, watch how you treat any woman. What you say or do to a woman should be under serious check always. Women are much deeper than what you think.
(2) An ocean can retain anything in it because of its size, depth and disposition. Women’s hearts can retain so much and too many. Avoid hurting them. If ever hurts occur, be swift to say that word sorry to her.
(3) An ocean is constantly moving. Be forward looking always. Never dwell on the past victories, successes or even gifts. A woman’s heart is constantly in progressive motion seeking for new things. Therefore, men! Keep pace with your wife’s woman-like way of reasoning and be inventive. The chocolate of Christmas is gone with Christmas. It is Easter time now; isn’t it?
She has moved on and forgotten those chocolates. Think of something else new to sweeten her with. The previous month is gone. The new month is here. The clothes and shoes of previous month is lost in the sea of no remembrance. Growling in the euphoria of ‘I bought this and this for her last month, last year’, are all tales of yesterday.
Sorry Sirs, please wake up from yesterday’s slumber. It is now today. Don’t get me wrong. I am not teaching materialism. Neither am I saying that women are vain and mundane. The point being made is an obvious one. Women are weaker and fragile in emotions, reasoning and in approaches to things of life and sometimes even that of godliness.
However, they are the most useful vessels available to man apart from God. Besides, both love in marriage and marriage itself is understandably spiritual. Don’t forget they are equally subjects of emotional materialism. Therefore, the need to strike a balance between the two is a necessity.
What more shall I say? Is going on picnic a crime? Is living your children with a trusted Christian and then taking a walk out or ride in your car with your wife a wrong thin to do? Sirs, studying the Bible together is good and indeed sweetly good. But is that all you do Sir?
Then your marriage must be a very boring one.
Do you ever sit down to have long chart with your wife Sir, other than on very serious issues about school fees, accommodation fees, other financial concerns or in the bid to settle some argy-bargy of some sort?
What does week-end mean to you, Sir? Does it mean office all the time?! Do you take out time sometimes to take over the kitchen in order to cook for your wife? Are you aware that the blind cook for their wives? How about you, Sir?
Have you ever played football, tennis or gone on private swimming with your wife at any time? Have you taken out time to know your wife’s best hobby/sport? Sir, do you understand that your wife is your best playmate and friend?
When was the last time you tried to untangle your wife’s hair after her fresh return from the salon? Do you know Sir that engaging in home/compound/car/mall-outside play with your wife relieves you of stress?
Oh! I hear you grumbling to yourself sir, and saying: this Pastor is giving us whiteman’s ideology about marriage. Is such ideology not far better than the aggressive African men’s style of relationship with their wives?
When was the last time you watched the television, read a newspaper or novel together? When was the last time you gave her a kiss having dropped her off at her office before she walked into the office? If you have ever done this Sir: are you aware that that kiss is sweeter and more memorable than the sweetest sugar-laden cup of tea?
Are you aware that by that singular act, you set her heart happy and aglow both for the day’s work and in readiness for a happy return home at the close of work? Sir, what you enjoy only is sex. As such, you are very swift to getting in-bed with your wife. Does the word foreplay exist in you marital dictionary at all? Think anew all the time, Sir.
Swift drift into sex unmindful of foreplay denies the woman of full ascendancy into full orgasm. Such act of sexual relations is beneficial to the man alone. To be bluntly frank, sexual attitude of such kind is akin to the lifestyle of the lion and the lamb.
The lion (man), very quick to devour and go its own way, forgetting that after its sexual pleasure has been satisfied, that of the woman has just begun. Such sexual attitude negates the lamb’s gentleness of gentle but reminiscing romance.
Of course, is it not that romantic flavor which turns on the glorious game eventually, leaving behind a most memorable, never forgetting moments of great pleasure? Realise o men that the lion and the lamb sexual relationship is unsatisfying to the woman.
Traumatically, a sexually unsatisfied wife is a nag, an unpredictable and an unhappy woman. Men! Get the secret behind your success: it is your wife’s happiness. Her happiness however is preponderant on the man (husband) getting many things right including satisfactory sex.
In the end, I urge and plead with all men to love their wife irrespective of any body or beauty changes. It is your impact on her that informed those changes. Love her the more. Loving her is scriptural; it is part of what qualifies you to be a heaven-bound citizen.
Pray very hard to keep your marriage ever on the path of destiny. Ask for the spirit of joy to continually dwell in your marriage. Pray my brother for financial blessings. Financial grace and blessings are part of the keys to happiness in marriage.
BE INVENTIVE, BE INVENTIVE, BE INVENTIVE SIR. WE SHALL ALL MEET AT THE TOP, BY THE GRACE OF GOD.
Hymn: To God Be The Glory
1. O marrital grace, open glorious heavens over my marriage today. O thou glory of my marriage, be released now, in the name of Jesus.
2. O God, disappoint every canker worm waisting and eating the strengths of my marriage.
3. Let the sword of God smite every man or woman, spirit husband or wife attacking my marriage and home.
4. You spirit of former boy-friend or former girl-friend that followed my spouse into our marriage, be detached now by fire.
5. O financial grace, release milk and honey into my marriage.
6. O God, destroy the following bad attitudes from the life of my spouse (name them and pray).
7. O God, I am a man and I am full of ego, purge me off every ego and help me to be humble.
8. O God, the grace and divine enablement that I need to be a good spouse to my partner, release them to me this day.
9. You spirits and arrows of the enemy causing unhappiness, poverty, retardation, lack and the likes in my marriage, I invoke the power and Spirit of Ps.21:9 against you. Therefore, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, be consumed by fire right now.
10. O Spirit of joy, indwell my spouse and marriage from now on, in Jesus name.